


Firsts

by nonbinaryspock



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: First Date, First Kiss, First Times, M/M, all that crap, relationship milestones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinaryspock/pseuds/nonbinaryspock
Summary: A collection of relationship firsts.I'll probably be updating this very infrequently, since it's just a side project.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First meeting

“Well, well, well. Who’s the new guy?”

Jonathan looks up from his glass, casting a quick glance in the direction of the ‘new guy.’ “Never seen him before,” he says. Takes a sip of his drink.

Oswald leans on the bar, gazing after the stranger. “He’s cute,” he remarks. “Like a nineteen fifties salesman who just discovered Technicolor.”

Jonathan gives him a second glance, actually taking the time to look at the guy. The first thing Jonathan notices is the eyesore of a suit he’s wearing. It’s a garish shade of green with accents of purple— _someone’s_ coming for the Joker’s color palette. The second thing he notices is how short he is. Not ‘I’m tall so everyone looks short to me’ short. Actually, properly short. Five foot six at most.

He watches the newcomer worm his way into other people’s conversations, seemingly not caring whether or not he’s actually wanted there. He talks loudly and continuously, gesturing broadly with his hands. He seems… very annoying.

“Every day there’s some new, inexperienced kid running around the streets thinking they’re a rogue,” Jonathan mutters, lowering his eyes.

“Come on, doesn’t it make you nostalgic for when you were like that?” Oswald says fondly, still staring at the young man.

“I was never like that.”

Pamela slides into the seat beside Jonathan. “What are you two bird freaks talking about?” she asks.

Jonathan gestures vaguely towards the subject of their discussion. “That.”

“Oh, him,” she says knowingly. “I’ve met him.”

“Already?” Oswald asks.

“Harley loves him.”

“Of course she does,” Jonathan grumbles.

“Shh!” Oswald hisses, smacking the back of his hand. “He’s coming over here.”

Jonathan groans, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding m—”

“Hi Pamela,” the man says. “Good to see a familiar face.” He stands awkwardly behind Oswald’s seat, putting him out of Jonathan’s line of sight. He doesn’t bother turning around.

Pamela forces a smile—bless her heart, she’s actually trying not to hurt the kid’s feelings. “Boys, this is Edward.”

“Edward Nygma,” he says a little too enthusiastically.

“Oswald Cobblepot,” he says, extending his hand to Edward. “And that’s our dear Jonathan.”

Why does Oswald always have to drag him into things like this?

“Charmed,” Edward says. Then, after a moment, “I’ve heard of you.”

No one says anything. Jonathan can see Pamela staring at him from the corner of his eye. Slowly, he looks up from his drink. “Is he talking to me?” he asks carefully.

“Yes. He is.” Oswald gives him a pointed look. “Now, don’t be rude to our guest.”   

He sighs, turning around in his seat. “You’ve heard of me,” he repeats, staring dully at Edward.

“I have,” he says, seeming vaguely embarrassed at being singled out. Funny. Jonathan would’ve expected him to enjoy the attention based on _literally everything about him._ “You’re… well, everyone knows who _you_ are.”

“Lucky me.”

Pamela clears her throat, patting Jonathan on the shoulder. “I’m going to go look for… someone over there. Have fun,” she says slyly, blowing a kiss in his direction as she leaves.

God, he hates that woman.

“I think I’ll depart as well,” Oswald says, standing up. “It’s been lovely meeting you, Edward, but I’m afraid it’s past my bedtime.” He gives Jonathan a stern look, picking his hat up from the bar. “Play nice,” he warns before turning to leave the lounge.

Et tu, Oswald?

Edward takes the opportunity to steal Oswald’s abandoned seat, folding his hands neatly atop the bar. “I’ve read your dissertation,” he offers after a while.

“Oh.”

“To be honest, I think the extralegal work you’ve done is far more impressive than anything academic you produced,” he says quickly, picking at his fingernails. “I think your experiments have produced results that are far more valuable to the scientific community than anything obtained through more… legitimate means.”

Jonathan’s never had anyone kiss up to him this much. He doesn’t really get… why this is happening. “Well, I’ve been saying that for years. Unfortunately, most people would disagree.”

“I suppose people don’t see things the way we do,” he says, shaking his head.

“No. I suppose they don’t.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First time in Arkham together

“It’s movie night.”

Edward wipes roughly at his eyes. Says nothing.

“Are you going?”

He gives Jonathan a look from the corner of his eye, raising an eyebrow. “Are _you?_ ”

“They’re showing The Passion of Joan of Arc,” Jonathan says flatly. “It has a good score.”

Edward shakes his head, a tear leaking out of his eye against his will. He wipes it away before it reaches his chin. “I’m fine here.”

Jonathan sighs. He sits down on the cot beside Edward, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “I know it’s hard,” he says after a while, his tone softening. “Your first time in Arkham. I remember when I was—but that’s not important now.” He glances at Edward. Looks away. “You can’t let this place get to you,” he murmurs.

“I’m n—I’m not letting it get to me,” he mumbles. He pulls his legs up onto the mattress, resting his chin on his knees.

“Yes, you are, and everyone can tell.”

Damn. Is he really that transparent?

“If the people here think that you’re weak, that you’re _soft_ , they’ll eat you alive,” Jonathan continues, lowering his voice. “I’ve seen it happen to people older and tougher than you, and it’s… I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

If Edward didn’t know any better, he’d think Jonathan actually gave a shit.

“So pull yourself together,” Jonathan says abruptly. “Suck it up. Come watch the movie. Show everyone that you’re fine. And then, after a while… you will be fine.” He stands up, extending his hand to Edward. “Come on,” he coaxes.

Against his better judgment, Edward accepts the hand outstretched to him. “Okay,” he says quietly. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Jonathan lets his hand fall to his side once Edward stands, fingers twitching ever so slightly. “I’d also recommend finding yourself a casual sex partner,” he adds nonchalantly. “Really helps to pass the time.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a traditional relationship milestone, but I had an idea for this while I was watching a trashy show that shall not be named and I wanted to write it


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First shared pet

“Guess what I got!” Edward calls, barging in through the front door.

Jonathan doesn’t look up. He’s totally fine not knowing what’s going on. “What did you get?” he asks dully, turning a page in his book.

“Guess.”

“If I looked up right now would I be able to see whatever it is in your hands right now?”

“…Maybe.”

Reluctantly, he looks up from his book. Edward is bearing a large tank with some sand and a log in it, a heat lamp, and a bag of live crickets.

“You got… bugs,” he says. “Are the bugs going to live in the tank?”

“No,” Edward says, setting the tank down on the dining room table. “Look.” He taps the glass. After a few moments, a lizard pokes its head out from under the log. “It’s a gecko,” he announces happily. “The crickets are food.”

“Okay. Why do you have that?”

“I bought it. I wanted a pet.” He watches the lizard slowly emerge from its hiding spot, positively beaming down at this dopey little creature. “Look! He’s smiling.”

Jonathan sighs, getting up from his seat to look at the lizard. Edward’s kind of right. The way the animal’s head is shaped makes it look like it’s perpetually smiling up at them. “I guess it’s kind of cute.”

“What should we name him?”

“…Harold.”

Edward scoffs. “Christ, I hope you never have to name a child.”

“That, my dear, is entirely dependent on you.”

He rolls his eyes, setting the lamp on top of the tank and turning it on. “How about Einstein?”

“Skinner.”

“Tesla.”

“Elon Musk.”

Edward wrinkles his nose. “I’m not raising my lizard to be a capitalist.”

“I don’t think lizards understand money.” Jonathan taps the glass with his fingernail. “What about… Kafka?”

“That is… a surprisingly good choice.” He makes a kissing face at the lizard. “Kafka it is.”

“Alright. I think it goes without saying that you’re in charge of him.”

“I know.”

“Which means you’re in charge of the crickets too,” Jonathan adds, giving the bag of crickets a sideways glance.

“See, I was hoping you might—”

“No.”

“Okay.”


End file.
